the night we played with fireworks!

one of the more memorable nights of the year with the asian gang in the hostel.

i really thank God for putting this group of people in my life.
because they unknowingly taught me so much about friendship.
because i learnt that friendship:
can be just having noodles together at 11pm, or going sugar high sharing one tub of ice cream.
it can be waking up at 3am to send our friend to the airport, or sleeping in the wee hours of the morning  listening to our friend’s life drama.
it can be writing birthday wishes in the countless gigantic birthday cards we bought, it can be escaping the hostel’s dinner by trying out different restaurants outside, it can be the nights we studied(or tried to) in the cold dining hall.

and even though alot of us will no longer be in new zealand,
i believe that distance does not break friendships like this.

thank you for redefining friendship for me.

 

after God’s heart;

but above all,
i want to pursue your heart with everything that i am, relentlessly, irrevocably,
and be found only in you alone.

help.

felicia:
i really feel like dying.
i really don’t know how i’m going to get through this
God:
stop relying on your strength and start relying on mine.
when you are weak, then you are strong.

*

please pray for me.
at this rate, i really don’t know how long i can last.

be still;

before i can find my voice
i need to hear Your voice
above all the senseless noise.

the face of poverty;

this cuts so deep.
i’m so speechless.

felicia – sold out for YOU.

because i realised that at the end of the day, everything still boils down to You, and You alone.

my entire life – only for the audience of ONE.

brain explosion;

this is me.

400 cases, 3 exams, 3 weeks.

i’m so exhausted already.

i need time. i need strength. i need wisdom.

help me.

(philippians 4:13)

the definition of love is YOU;

i guess this is a continuation of my last post.
after watching 500 days of summer & then listening to jaeson ma’s song , i had an epiphany and it hit my real hard.

let me tell you why i cannot shut up about this:

hollywood wants to make you think they know what love is. but love is not what you see in the movies, nor hear in love songs, nor read in romance novels. it’s not the ecstasy, it’s not about that tingly feeling, that might be here tonight, and gone tomorrow.

i’m telling you right now, true love is sacrifice.

love is thinking about others before you think about yourself.
love is selfless not selfish.

there is no greater love than this – than he who lays down his life for his friends.
are you willing to do that?
it’s a hard decision. but i believe that some of us are still probably willing to lay down our lives for our parents, our best friends, our spouses.
but what if i asked, if you are willing to lay down your life for even those that hate you?
would your answer still be yes?
but the thing about love is this – that love is also laying down your life for your enemies.
because love transcends above any iniquities done to it.
because love covers a multitude of sins.

and i’m going to tell you who did just that – Jesus Christ.
the definition of love is him.
he is LOVE.
the nails in his hands, the thorns in his brow, hanging on a cross for your sins, my sins, that is LOVE.
that he died for you and me while we still hated him, that is LOVE.

because Love is God and God is Love.

*

you don’t have to agree with me in this, but i thought i would still share it with you guys :)
have a blessed week!

reflections as of late;

today started with me forgetting to set my alarm and oversleeping haha

but hey! i had my last lecture for the year, and i’m now officially half-way through my degree.
and if things turn out as planned, i will probably be a full-fledged lawyer in 2 years. (but as you know, things often don’t turn out as planned, so really who knows? lol)

and since i’m already in the middle of it all, i can’t help but wonder what’s in stored for me after i graduate lol
you know, i’m not sure if i’m being too naive or idealistic – but one place i really hope i don’t end up is confined in an office, signing legal documents and advising high-playing clients. it’s like helping the rich get richer. and i really don’t want to end up doing that, when i feel the rationale behind the law is really to bring justice & compensation to those who are truly wronged, powerless and needy.
but we all know how this society works. and we all know how harsh reality is. financial & parental & alot of other factors are real concerns which i cannot just ignore.
and this deeply troubles me.
but i really really pray that if one day i have to sacrifice alot of my comforts and possessions, i would still follow Your calling. after all, i’ve not come this far on my own, it was You who brought me here. and because of that, i want to consider everything else a loss to me.

of late too, i’ve been struggling alot of with the concept of love.

1. during valentine’s day earlier this year, i made a covenant with God  to start loving people more. because like i said in my post that day -  “won’t it be very sad to find out that valentine’s day is only a day where i make up for all the 364 days where i should have been loving others?”

but i’ve recently discovered again that loving people is sooooo damn hard. i will really be honest here and admit that i’m seriously struggling with the fact that i’m still called to love those who might be taking you for granted, who might have cheated/deceived you, who might not reciprocate nor even realise it. really, this is such an emotional draining & time consuming thing.

but right now i really want to remind myself:
that once, i prayed this – “break my heart for what breaks yours” so if i have the guts to pray that, how can i not have the guts to love? lol
and how can i forget Your love, Your grace that met the broken & ugly me. so how can someone who has been forgiven much, love so little? and how can i judge, when i was just as flawed, just as hopeless?

2. and there’s you. who i pray i’m always genuine to, who i pray i can bless with my actions and words, who i pray one day to see Him using you so powerfully, way beyond what you ever imagined :)

*

so i guess this is the end of 2nd year!
and exams here i come!!!  ):
lol

wasted milk;

felicia is exasperated.

how can we, we who are very blessed in alot of different areas of our lives be so apathetic, so blind, so selfish?

how can people take drinking litres of milk as a competition, as a game, in order to see who will spew first?
when on the other side of the world, people don’t even get milk, let alone clean water?

i know this is quite a minor issue, but it speaks volumes to me.

and this is about my generation, we who live in abundance.
and i don’t deny that at times i am exactly as apathetic, as blind, as selfish.

this troubles me alot.